ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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