"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
