He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
