I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
