i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
