2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
