i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
