I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
