hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
FUCK WHALES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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