Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
