Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
