So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
