That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
