you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
