He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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