Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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