How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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