your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
