thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
