I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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