I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
