Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
