doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
