He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
