I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
