I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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