She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
