i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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