So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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