I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
