Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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