Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
