Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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