Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
