also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
