the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
