I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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