Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
