When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
