only if we run a train.
done.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize