How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
