i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
