I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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