God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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