I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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