Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
