Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
