he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
