Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize