i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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