peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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