Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
