We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
