Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
