God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
