The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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