drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
