I'm gonna have a badass scar
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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