Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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