Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
