They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
