your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
