id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
