They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
