not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
