It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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