don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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