May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Four minutes until I can fart!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
