I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
