Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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