I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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